Soon, oil will vanish and so will suburbia.
The McHouses of tract developments will be slums.
Interstate highways will crumble. That magnificent transportation system that allows Pennsylvanians to eat inexpensive Caesar salads grown by Californians 3,000 miles away will be no more.
We'll be forced to grow crops on our front lawns. Even so, we won't be able to feed our children.
Gasoline shortages will bring bloodshed at gas stations as suburbanites battle for dwindling supplies.
Billions of dollars will be sucked from the economy. Political upheavals will come.
The middle class will be mired in economic depression.
Sound nuts? It got serious consideration in Philadelphia last week by the Regional Citizens Committee of the Delaware Valley Regional Planning Commission.
The group viewed the documentary "The End of Suburbia: Oil Depletion and the End of the American Dream."
The film states unequivocally that these catastrophes will come "within our lifetimes."
I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing aloud at the film's junk science premise that the trigger for this apocalypse will be the end of oil, which powers the suburban lifestyle.
The film's parade of experts, critics and authors claim that the Earth's oil reserves are tapped out and world oil production has peaked, even as demand rises.
Or maybe oil is nearly tapped out and production is nearly peaked.
Or maybe there will always be oil, but it will be too expensive for any of us to afford.
I can't say for sure. The film is incoherent on its chief point, a fact that environmental activists and their sympathizers will ignore, no doubt.
But the film spends plenty of time ridiculing suburbanites.